A Day in the life of a Facilities Assistant.

My job entails the facilities upkeep in the small mall I work for and I take most aspects of my job seriously...so when I receive a phone-call from an irritate 'facilities user' I was mystified. (in other words, she went to the toilets and there was no toilet paper in all 4 cubicles) I thought whateva lady...talk about exaggerating but to my disbelief... ALL 4 CUBICLES HAD NO TOILET PAPER. Why is this mystifying you ask?? Because not even 2 hours prior I had filled up those suckers with toilet rolls and now there was none??? GONE all GONE  and these babies are locked...They didn't run out...there was no cardboard inners left behind, nothing but air.

 I kept opening and shutting the dispensers thinking they might just reappear but after 5 minutes of going backwards and forwards through all 4 cubicles and shaking my head and scaring the 'facility users' with my muttering and cursing, I refilled dispensers and I headed out into the mall to locate these 'jumbo roll toilet tissue' thieves...I had my 'freak on' I was on a mission and anyone and I mean anyone, that had an oversize hand bag/backpack/pram/baggy pants/puffer jacket...they were scrutinized.  End result...Nada/Nothing/Zilch...what did I expect aye? To actually find 8 jumbo rolls of toilet paper in someones puffer jacket? Find it in a pram underneath a sleeping baby? On an old lady that just popped them into her handbag as gifts for her struggling university student Granddaughter? No they were definitely long gone and no chance of returning.
Do you know what I think happened??? A broke/creative woman got a surprise marriage proposal via text message (Which she accepted) whilst in the restrooms and was told she had 1 hour to meet her beloved at the church to get hitched...Her new best friends (ladies that were in the other 3 cubicles) instantly became her bridesmaids and together they took the rolls of toilet paper to make her the best budget wedding dress ever (because she was broke and creative)

Yip that works for me.
And since I supplied the gown, you would think I would of got an invite!!!